Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:09] Well, the last couple of weeks we have been talking about relationships, all things relationships, marriage, all that stuff. Two weeks ago, Pastor Roman shared a powerful message called the Truth About Marriage. You can check it out on our YouTube channel. And talked about how marriage is God's idea. It's God's design and its covenant. And really the best picture is Jesus giving his life for his bride. And that's kind of the picture that he's inviting us into. So it's really powerful. I hope you go back and listen to that again.
[00:00:37] And then last week I got to speak first and second service and I accidentally spoke two different messages. So if you were here at second service, you got to hear an ad libbed version of the message, which was really fun. And so I hope you enjoyed it. If you didn't hear it, you can listen to. I actually posted both of them online. So there's part one, which is service one, and part two, which is service two. Very different, but they both set a foundation for healthy relationships. We talked about the intentional marriage or intentional relationships. We talked about different stages of how, you know, God gives us human relationships on this earth. But all of them are a school for us to learn how to love. So we are here to learn how to love. And so we hit that last week. If you didn't check those out, check those out. And also I also offer my notes. Cause sometimes I just get into story form and tell you some stories and then, and then you're like, but where is this in the Bible? And so that's what my notes are for. My Bible, my notes give you a good biblical foundation for the things that we get to share. And so today as well, if you want to follow along, you can tap the disc in front of you with your phone and a QR code or whatever. No, not a QR code, but a link will pop up and you'll be able to go to the notes.
[00:01:46] In the notes today there is an appendix area that has this whole section on circles of intimacy. It's a really powerful tool that I recommend highly. You get familiar with. I won't hit a lot on it today, but I will mention it briefly so you can download the notes. Our notes are also available online and follow along and let's dive into the word together.
[00:02:06] Let's just take a moment and invite the Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit, thank you that you are the teacher today. Thank you that Vic's not the teacher, that you're the teacher. We got an upgrade today. God, Lord, thank you that I'm not The pastor. You're the pastor.
[00:02:22] I'm not the friend, you are. You're the counselor. You're the good shepherd. You're our friend. You're our Father. So we just yield to you.
[00:02:30] We don't want to just be informed today. We want to be transformed.
[00:02:36] Call Holy Spirit. We welcome you to speak to us today. Wherever we're at, we allow you to confront us, to correct us, to encourage us, to speak life over us.
[00:02:46] We open not just our mind, but our hearts to you, Lord.
[00:02:50] Amen.
[00:02:52] Amen. So we want to talk about healthy relationships. I want to continue talking about healthy relationships. I think relationships are the primary thing that we're on this earth for. We're not here for activity primarily, or not here for worship. You're not created for worship.
[00:03:07] I trigger some of you. You're not created for service.
[00:03:11] You're created to be a son and a daughter. You're created to be the family of God. You're created to be loved.
[00:03:17] Because we are loved. We get to worship, we get to serve, we get to work with him, we get to partner with him on the earth. But that's not what we're made for. The two most important days of your life are the day you're born and the day you find out why we. Well, good news. You found out why. To be loved. That's why you're on this earth.
[00:03:34] All six relationships that you get to experience on this earth are a school of love.
[00:03:40] Couple passages that are going to be a foundation for our message today. It's Matthew 22 and then John 15.
[00:03:46] Matthew 22 is the great commandment.
[00:03:50] It tells us what we should do. And then John 15 is the. The great why and how we need to do all that. So we'll look at those two passages as a foundation.
[00:04:00] But my point today is that healthy relationships start with a healthy you.
[00:04:06] So the title of the message is called Healthy you first.
[00:04:10] Healthy you first. The foundation of healthy relationships is the healthy you.
[00:04:19] A healthy you is not a selfish you, but it's a person who has learned to remain in the Father's love, to live with healthy boundaries, and then to care for their own soul so well that they can also care for others from overflow instead of from emptiness.
[00:04:37] That's my main point. I actually have four different points today. We'll see how we'll navigate this. If we don't navigate all of it. That's okay. It's there in the notes, plus you'll be able to follow back online.
[00:04:48] But my first point is healthy Relationships start with a healthy you. You know, most people, they're striving for healthy relationships, but they don't realize that you can't find a healthy relationship actually.
[00:05:00] Right. Because good marriages are not found there.
[00:05:03] They're formed, they're built. Yeah, good relationships are not found, they're formed.
[00:05:09] Oftentimes we're like, I just want a really good friend. I just haven't had a good friend anyone here. You're just like, man, I just need a good friend in my life.
[00:05:15] Well, that was me for a lot of my life. I actually never had a best friend until college, 19 years old, because that's when my roommate got stuck with me in a room for, you know, nine months. And we didn't have a choice. But praise God, he became one of my best friends. We're in contact to this day, but that was my first best friend because I just, I just wanted a friend. But I didn't have good friends because I realized that you can't find a good friend. You actually have to be a good friend. Right.
[00:05:44] And you'll always attract who you are, not what you want.
[00:05:48] So if you want a 10 in marriage, I'm sorry, you will not be able to get a 10 unless you are a 10. Because you attract who you are, not what you want, not what you pay for, but you attract who you are. That's just the way it works. If, if there's a scale of 0 to 10 as far as your health goes, if 10 is like Jesus and you're the most healthy person ever, everything's holy in your life. And then zero is you're fully broken and there's no health in your life. Let's say that you are a four in your terms of your health or your brokenness, and you meet a seven. Guess what? You will not be able to find the same conversation or language. You'll be interested in different things. You will actually need the person to fulfill you. And they'll just be like, and so guess what will happen now? You just don't have chemistry. And so you will. It won't really work out, but you will find the equivalent of who you are actually. And that's when you're like, oh man. Like this person, we just, ah, everything we talk about, we finish each other's sentences. Why? Because you have found your equal at whatever level you are. So to find to have healthy relationships, actually, it starts with a healthy you. And the Lord, I believe today wants to upgrade you so that you can grow up. Now, good news, if you are Single. If you upgrade your number from four to five, you can now marry a five. Praise God, that's good news. If you're single, if you're married, you are committed to life, to that person. And now you get to become healthy. And then your love will actually transform them and they will become healthier because you are a good lover and you are a good servant. And God, who is a perfect 10, health loved us while we were yet sinners, a zero.
[00:07:26] Christ died for us, and his love compels us into being loved, into being whole, into being healthy. So we are going to be like the Lord. And regardless of where our spouse is at, we are going to lay our life down and love them. And love is the most powerful thing there is, because love isn't a thing. God is love.
[00:07:51] Amen. God is love. And so becoming love. So powerful. Anyways, that's a little bit of an introduction, but healthy relationship starts with a healthy you. I want to look at the famous passage. It's the Great Commandments, Matthew 22, verse 36 through 40. Let's take a look at it here. And I want you to see it from a different lens. Maybe we haven't seen before, but Matthew 22, verse 36 through 40. 36 is teacher. Now verse 35.
[00:08:19] So there was an argument with Sadducees and Pharisees and Jesus. And then Jesus basically, like, you know, basically put the Sadducees in their place. And the Pharisee was like, dude, this guy's legit. He just took down our, our, our, you know, competitors. This is awesome. And so this lawyer who's a Pharisee, comes to Jesus and asks him this brilliant question. Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law? Because, you know, there was 10 commandments from the 10 commandments, plus there was like another 613 or so that, you know, in Judaism, they had organized all the little statements all throughout the laws of God. They found them. There's 613. He's like, that's a lot. I can't remember them all. I'm a lawyer, you know, there's a lot of rules in my book too, but tell me, what's the greatest of them all? Brilliant question. And Jesus said to him, you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind. Wow, that's a lot of alls. Like, love the Lord God all fully, everything. Mind, soul, heart, strength, everything. Right? Really powerful.
[00:09:20] And he says, this is the great and foremost commandment. The great and foremost, the words of Jesus there's the great commandment, right? And the second is, like it, you shall love your neighbor as yourself.
[00:09:34] Upon these two commandments hang the whole law and the prophets. So Jesus literally takes this statement. He pulls out these two actually statements from the Old Testament about loving God and loving your neighbor as yourself.
[00:09:46] You know, one's from Leviticus, one's from, I don't know, Genesis or I don't know what the other one is from, not Genesis.
[00:09:53] Regardless, he pulls these down. He says, let me summarize the whole law and the prophets. It's these two commandments, really powerful. And often what we hear is. We hear like, oh, the whole crux of the gospel message is, love God, love people. Love God, love people. Well, it's interesting. That's the conclusion we come to. That's the emphasis we make. And then what we do is like, okay, cool, Vic, I know what to do now. I'm gonna spend the rest of my life loving God, loving people. But we don't know how. And so we get stuck. We get broken, and we fail at that because we don't know how to love God and love people. And so John 22 gives us the great command. I mean, sorry, Matthew 22 gives us the great commandment. But without John 15, we don't have the instructions in the flow of love, and we don't. We get stuck. So oftentimes, people know, love God, love people. That's. That's the. That's the gospel.
[00:10:37] Yes, beautiful. But how has been the problem, right? And so that's what I want to kind of dive into a little bit today. But I want to key in on a verse here. It says this verse 39, the second is like, that you shall love your neighbor as yourself. Now, I want to particularly focus on the words as yourself, because this is where I think we miss it often, is that we know we're supposed to love God. We know we're supposed to love people, but we're supposed to love God and love people as ourself.
[00:11:05] If you dive into the original language there, the Greek and the Hebrew, this is a basic comparison word. But essentially, if you could. If I could paraphrase this, a good paraphrase would be, love your neighbor to the same level and the same degree that you have loved yourself as means to the same measure.
[00:11:26] And you'll see this word as. We'll highlight it a couple times as we read a couple passages. That word as there means to like the same measure to the same degree, to the same level as you've Loved yourself. So, interestingly enough, Jesus is the crux of the whole story of the gospel. Love God, love people as yourself is the part that we often miss. To the same measure and to the same degree that you have loved yourself. To that measure, God wants you now to love him back. And to that measure, he wants you to now love others.
[00:11:56] But what if that measure is broken and it doesn't exist or it didn't get filled up all of a sudden? Now enter brokenness, relational brokenness, and everything else. Oftentimes what's missing, what I've found in Christianity and actually was true in my life, was that I didn't know how to do the as yourself part. I thought that I should actually die to myself, which is true in the right context. There's a truth there. We'll talk about that. It's in the. It's in my message today. I thought I had to deny myself, die to myself, consider others better than myself. And basically, I am kind of like trash. But the only redeeming value in my life is that I give myself to other people.
[00:12:34] That's what I thought. And so I thought my purpose is to love God, love people. And so I strove, strived, pushed, stressed, whatever, to do that my whole life. And, you know, from the outside, people are like, man, Vic, you've done a really good job of loving God and loving people. And then the Lord has been pointing at me saying, like, hey, Vic, I want you to learn how to receive my love. Because you didn't get the last part, which is actually the important part is as yourself. Okay, so interesting. Let's keep our eye on this as yourself revelation and idea. And let's move actually, before we do that, this was such a central command in Scripture that actually three of the gospels quote this.
[00:13:17] This phrase that actually happened in Leviticus, chapter 19, verse 18. And Jesus quoted it three times in Matthew and Mark. There looks like they're parallel passages. So one instance talking about this quote, and then in the Luke passage, it's a completely different context. It was actually earlier in Jesus's ministry. But scholars say that there's actually many times that Jesus probably used this because essentially he's summarizing the whole law for Jews saying, love God, love people. And so this was a phrase that Jesus would use as central to his Gospel presentation.
[00:13:44] And then Paul and James, you know, his disciples, writers of scripture, the epistles, also start to use this. Paul uses it in Galatians, Paul uses it in Romans, actually, for very different things. It's very interesting what he uses it to say, that's in the notes. I'll let you check that out. And then James also quotes this. So not only for Jesus was this essential summary of really the Gospel, of really the meta narrative of Scripture, but also for the apostles in the early church. So there's something really significant about this. Love God, Love people as yourself. Part three, Enter part three. Because usually we just get the two parts of the great commandment. Love God, love people. Enter part three as yourself.
[00:14:24] Pretty important piece that I was missing for a good 40 years of my life. Praise God.
[00:14:32] Point number two, a healthy you starts with receiving and remaining in the Father's love. Let me explain and enter our second text, John 15.
[00:14:41] Let's take a look at verse 9 through 12, John 15.
[00:14:47] Because there's really only one way to fulfill the great commandment of loving God and loving others.
[00:14:53] And it's by following the flow of love and the source of love which we discover in John 15. Another statement of Jesus. Let's dig into this. This helps us understand so much more in Scripture.
[00:15:05] Now, it starts with this verse 9. Just as the Father has loved me, this is the words of Jesus. Just as notice the word as so to the same measure and to the same degree, to that level that the Father has loved me, I also have loved you, now remain in my love.
[00:15:32] Wow. There's three things there that this verse tells us. We'll stop there at this verse. Keep this verse up there. Three things that I want you to pay attention to. I want you to pay attention to what is the source of love?
[00:15:43] First, John 4 is pretty clear. Multiple times it says, God is love.
[00:15:47] First John 4:10 says, this is love. Not.
[00:15:52] It starts with the not. This is love. Not that you love God, but that God has loved you and has given His Son for you as a. As a. As an atoning sacrifice for your sins.
[00:16:06] Just as Jesus is saying this, I have become a recipient of a great measure of the love of God. Because remember, he says to love God with your whole heart, mind, soul and strength. So guess what the Father has done for me. This is what Jesus is saying. The Father has loved me with all of his heart, mind, soul and strength, and he's poured that love on me. And. And to that measure that the Father has poured that measure of love on me. I have taken that same measure and to the same degree and to the same level, I have now loved you. Now here's what I want you to do, folks.
[00:16:39] Go jump into that pool of love and remain in that love Your first assignment as a believer and actually your first assignment as a human being. Right? There's six relationships that we have on this earth that you can possibly have.
[00:16:53] Some of you, if you're single, you've only had three of them, but there's three more that are waiting for you.
[00:16:59] And enter into that school. You know, don't stop in third grade. Like, get to high school, get to college, get to graduate school. Graduate school. That's the G daddy school. I'm referencing last week's message. If you missed it, check it out. Be a G daddy in school. Okay? Not just in elementary school, but what is it? The first relationship on this earth is you're a child and your first job is to be loved.
[00:17:27] And Jesus is saying this, my people, I got you this huge measure of love. The Father has loved me. Now I have loved you. Now I want you to remain in that love. Dive into that love. Soak in that love. Guys, what if this went beyond information today? What if we jumped into the pool and said, God, I don't know how to be loved. Teach me the pool of remaining in your love.
[00:17:52] What if we did that? Because I have been preaching that message for, like, nine years, but not knowing how to get wet in the pool. I was a dry pool explainer talker, because I knew all about the pool. I measured the pool. I weighed the pool. I knew how many ounces were in there. I knew when the paint was updated. And I. I have told you, church, for, like, nine years about this awesome pool of God's love. And the whole time, I was a little dry because as people were splashing in, I get a couple drops. I mean, whoa. It's pretty cool.
[00:18:30] But I'm telling you, it's better to get in there, remain in my love. Can I tell you, beloved, the message is get into the love of God.
[00:18:39] The message is not Matthew 22, which is love God, love people. But how love God, love people is basically said from inside the pool. As you're snorkeling in there and you're soaked, you pop out and you say, love God, love people. Yeah, it only makes sense if you're in the pool.
[00:18:57] But if you're dry, it will make you dry and make you broke and busted and disgusted and hate religion.
[00:19:05] That's what it'll do.
[00:19:06] Because you can't do it standing on the edge of the pool, looking in and saying, love God, love people.
[00:19:14] All right, I'm using an analogy here. Hope you're following along with me. Jesus's message to us. Is remain in my love. Okay, let's look at verse 10. If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love, just as I've kept my Father's commandments and remain in his love. What is Jesus saying here? The Father has measured so much love to me, and I remain in that place. And I've measured so much love to you. Will you remain in that place? And guess what? If you remain in that place, you'll keep my commandments. Elsewhere. Jesus says, if you love me, you'll keep my commandments. Now, if you're like, on the outside of the pool and you're kind of talking about the pool, you know all about it. You know Christianity, you know faith, you know religion, but you've never been in the water called remaining in God's love. Guess how you're gonna guess how you're gonna hear that if you love me, obey my commandments.
[00:20:02] You're gonna hear like, oh, man, I need to start obeying God's commandments so that I can prove to him that I love him. Because really, like, I'm supposed to love God, love people. But really, I haven't loved God and love people unless I do his commandments. I know what I'll do as a Christian. I'm gonna do the do. I'm gonna do the commandments. Yes, I know what to do. Now. Let me do it. Because most of us, we think that we're human doings we're here on this earth to do. But actually, that's not why we're here.
[00:20:29] So if you're a human doing, like me, good performer, great at getting stuff done, I knew what to do. Love God, love people. I know what I'll do. I'll obey all the commandments because that is going to demonstrate I love God. So if you have that orphan tendency, like I had most of my life, and you have that, you know, that, that, that. That rejection thing going on and whatever else, and you're like a dry talker about the pool, you know, enter Vic. Most of my life here, then guess what you will hear that if you obey my command. You know, like, like, what was the statement Jesus said there?
[00:21:09] If you love me, you'll obey my commandments. And I hear it as, like, if you love, obey. Like, obey is the key thing here. That's my job. Obey. But when I started diving into the pool, I realized I was reading that whole thing wrong. Because Jesus didn't say obey first. He said love first. If you dive into the pool and love me commandments, you'll obey my commandments. Because a lover will always outwork a worker.
[00:21:39] Because a lover man. It's not even a stress for them to lay down their life. It's not even. They're not even thinking about, oh, wait, like one of your commandments is don't cheat on me. But when you love your wife, you don't even have to be told that. You don't even have to know what they are. Because love will fulfill all of it. That's what it says. Love is the fulfillment of the law.
[00:22:01] So if you love me, if you dive into this pool called remaining in my love, you'll obey my commandments, fruit instead of strive so you can prove right. Two ways to read it depends on whether you're dry or wet. You know what I mean? In the pool or out of the pool.
[00:22:21] But God's heart for us is that we'd remain in his love. And now watch this. Verse 11. This is so powerful. We're in John 15. We did verse 9. We did verse 10, verse 11.
[00:22:32] I told you guys this stuff so that you would have so much fun and joy.
[00:22:38] So that your joy. So that my joy may be in you. I'm telling you guys this so you'll be happy that my joy may be in you. And not only that, but I want your. My joy to be full. I want you to be full, mature, healthy, whole. Can I tell you that your job, beloved, is to be loved.
[00:22:58] It's to remain in God's love is to not leave the pool and get dry and get crusty. It's to stay in that pool. Because if you stay in that pool of his love, if you remain in his love, like Jesus remained in his love, you'll do what Jesus did and even greater things you'll do. But it's not about what you do. It's about your swimming in the pool of his love. I'm using that analogy in this service. I didn't use it in the first service. I want you to get the visual here, okay?
[00:23:23] I want your joy to be full. Children, I want you to play in the water. Get the pool noodles out, slap each other with them. Get the water guns out. Get the water balloons.
[00:23:35] Have fun in my love.
[00:23:37] My love will heal you. My love will. Will. It'll. It'll get you. It's going to overwhelm you.
[00:23:44] I want your joy to be full.
[00:23:46] Can I tell you, it's God's love that heals us, that makes us joyful. Can I tell you if we haven't.
[00:23:51] If we haven't had joy in our life. Could it be that we stopped remaining in God's love and we've just tried to give from empty?
[00:23:58] We've tried to love our neighbor. We've tried to love God. We're trying our best, man. We're going to church, we're trying our best. We keep sinning, but we're trying our best. We repent and then we, you know, we hurt people, we. We hurt our wife, we hurt our kids, but we're trying our best, man. But like, God, I know you have mercy for me. I'm just trying my best. I'm just trying my best. God, I just. Man, I can't get rid of this addiction to pornography or whatever else maybe, or this addiction to whatever. But God, I'm just trying my best. I'm just going to go to the altar again, I'm gonna. Going to show up again, just white knuckling through it.
[00:24:28] No joy in my life, just trying my best.
[00:24:32] That's not the life of a son.
[00:24:38] What if we stopped trying your best and just jumped into the river like a big hippo?
[00:24:48] Get in the river, you big hippo.
[00:24:51] Be careful telling your spouse that it might.
[00:24:54] That might not go over well without context. You know, I've spoken these things to you. That your joy may. That my joy may be in you and your joy may be full. God says, I've told you about this whole thing about God. The Father has loved me. Oh, it was so awesome. And I'm remaining in that. And I've loved you now. Now please remain in that. And I told you that whole thing because I want you to be full of joy. If we're not full of joy, can I say that maybe we stopped remaining?
[00:25:33] We're right next to the pool and we're talking about it and we let people jump in it, but we're not remaining in his love.
[00:25:40] And then only verse 12 makes sense. This is my commandment to you wet swimmers in the pool of love.
[00:25:48] That you love one another just as I have loved you now to the same measure and degree that you got wet. Get someone else wet and splash them to that measure, to that degree that you have dove into. Remaining in God's love to that level. Love one another now. I used to think, I used to preach this. I was told this many times and I was told this even this week, that unless you receive God's love, you won't be able to love others.
[00:26:19] And I think that that's wrong. I think I was wrong about that because My whole life I've watched myself, like, learn to love like God the best I knew how and love people the best I knew how. But the problem was, is I was giving from empty and I wasn't giving from overflow. My cup was a little empty, this one's a little full, It's a little less full.
[00:26:43] But I was giving from empty.
[00:26:48] I wasn't giving from overflow because I hadn't dunked in the pool and it didn't get.
[00:26:55] It didn't get filled up.
[00:26:57] So I was giving, but I was always giving from, like, the leftovers. And so even when I'm giving love to my kids and then all of a sudden I'm running out. But the thing is, is because my capacity is not full, even when I'm giving to them, I'm actually needing their love back.
[00:27:15] Like when I'm giving love to my wife, it's like, hey, you know what? I'm really empty here, but I'm just gonna. I'm gonna love you, but man, please love me back right now. I'm gonna be really kind. There's. I'm really empty, but I'm gonna be really kind to you. But I really need and expect for you to give me that back to me.
[00:27:31] Because when you're giving from empty, it's not like you can't give, it's that you just need them.
[00:27:37] You need to be loved back. You need your friend to call you back.
[00:27:42] Because you're not giving from an overflow, you're giving from need.
[00:27:49] When you're not full, you can still give. You just give from need and it hurts you to give.
[00:27:57] And actually you start to hurt other people because you're trying to love them, but then you're angry because you feel disrespected by them. It's like, I've done this for you, this for you, this for you, this for you, this for you. You've done nothing for me. I'm done doing that for you. Oh, I wonder if that's what love looks like or feels like, or if that's actually giving out of brokenness.
[00:28:16] So you can love others and God, but God doesn't want you to do that. Matthew 22 says, no, no, no, no, no. The same measure that I have measured to you, love.
[00:28:29] If you become a good receiver in your full and you're overflowing, that's the measure I want you to love me back from and the measure you love others back from. Don't give out of your emptiness, give out of overflow. You Know what I mean?
[00:28:41] I don't want to get my Bible wet. It's a really nice Bible. Bogdan and my students got it to me for my birthday. I really love it.
[00:28:50] Thank you.
[00:28:53] Are you getting. Are you. Are you picking up what I'm putting down, man? I'm running out of time. On point number two, and there's, there's three and four are really good, especially four. I spent most of my studying in for on point number four.
[00:29:04] You might have to listen to first service to get it, though.
[00:29:10] So the father loves the son.
[00:29:13] The father is the source of love. The son loves us. He wants us to remain in that love. If we remain in that love, that love will produce joy and fullness in us. And out of the joy and the fullness, out of the overflow, out of the abundance, we get to love others. But if you don't give, if you don't, but if you love not out of the overflow, you'll need them and you'll hurt them and you'll hurt yourself. And this is where we get relational attention from, because we're not giving out of love, we're giving out of need.
[00:29:43] Why do people burn out?
[00:29:44] Because they stop giving out of overflow. They're still giving, but they stopped receiving. They're trying to splash people with water, but they themselves are dry.
[00:29:54] It doesn't work real good.
[00:29:56] You often get hurt doing that. I did that for a lot.
[00:30:01] Number three, a healthy you is about stewardship, not selfishness.
[00:30:07] Because. Because healthy relationships start with a healthy you. And a healthy you means you steward your life really well. It's not selfish. Because our modern day is like, you know, we teach like modern day humanism, modern day psychology, modern day sometimes, you know, a lot of the counseling out there that's not super spirit filled and awesome and healthy is like, hey, you are the center of your life and you got to take care of you. And if you take care of you really well, then you'll be able to take care of the next layer, Circle number two, which is your spouse. And if you're single, that stays empty. And then if you really take care of you and then you love your spouse, then you'll be able to take care of the third circle, which is like your immediate family, your kids. And then if you do that, you'll be able to do bigger and bigger and you'll be able to have these circles of intimacy, but they place you at the center. But there's a problem there, because actually in God, he's at the center. So where are you?
[00:30:55] Well, Colossians 3, 3 says that I died and my life is hidden with Christ in God. So you actually can't find me unless you go digging into Christ, because that's where I am.
[00:31:07] So actually Christ is at the center of my circle. And if me and him are healthy and I have good relationship with him, and I'm drinking of his love and I remain in his love, oh my goodness, it's going to bounce out and over onto my spouse.
[00:31:22] Circle of intimacy number two. And then my children's circle of intimacy number three and, and then my covenant relationships and my ministry and whatever else in circle number four or five or six. And it's going to, all of a sudden it's going to ooze because I'm in the Father, the Father's in me. I've been joined to Christ. I'm no longer alive. Christ is alive in me. Whoever's become whoever's been joined to Christ, First Corinthians is one spirit with him, right? I am now buried in Christ, baptized into Christ, one with Christ.
[00:31:53] So you gotta look for God because only if you find God do you find yourself, the real self, the real you in there.
[00:32:02] So humanism says, make it all about you. Selfishness, actually, that's the definition of flesh. It's you without God.
[00:32:09] We want to actually deny the flesh and be the real you, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory, you in Christ, beloved son and daughter, right? So a healthy you is not about selfishness. It's actually about stewarding healthy relationships. Scripture says deny yourself, you know, all that stuff. And, and the thing is, is, man, I had all these scriptures memorized. Like I remember when I was, I was 18 years old and I was developing a prayer life. And you know, I lived in a house with five, you know, we had five rooms, I had six. You know, there's six of us living in the house. So the garage was the only place in Seattle, Washington, Kirkland, Washington, where I was able to get away and have a secret time. So we didn't park cars in the garage. I put some rugs out. I had a whole collection of sheep, over 100. That's a different story. Ask me about that later. Why did a full grown college man stuff collect stuffed lambs? I'll tell you later.
[00:33:04] How do you think I learned how to be a shepherd? Okay. My first audience wasn't you. Okay? 100 stuffed white lambs in my garage.
[00:33:13] So I set up, you know, a prayer room. I set up a heater and I would just go there and pray, but because I just didn't know. I didn't know how to distinguish the voice of God versus the voice of scripture.
[00:33:24] Now that's a whole nother conversation because the scripture can actually remind you of stuff. But the source of who's quoting that scripture could actually be not God in the moment. Similar to Matthew 4, Jesus being tempted by the devil with scriptures similar to Adam and Eve. You go back to the original sin and the devil was really quoting God's words perfectly and was telling them truths.
[00:33:49] So it's not really about the scripture, it's about who's saying it and when. Because the scripture is there to disciple you. It's going to have this side and this side. It's going to say fast and don't fast. It's going to say pray and don't pray. It's going to say strive and don't strive. It's going to say rest and don't rest because it's there to pastor you, but the devil is going to use that to beat you.
[00:34:10] So here I am praying and all the, and all that's coming to my mind is scriptures. Well, Vic, you can't really pray. You know, you might. I worked up from like one hour to two hours. I'm doing so good. I'm just like going around, you know, she wrote on a Honda on Sunday and all that stuff, you know, and I'm doing all this stuff and I have this whole list of things I'm praying for. But like, I can't pray for me because as soon as I have like any of my needs, all of a sudden scriptures are coming. I'm like, lord, I'm so sorry. I was thinking about myself for a couple minutes. Like I shouldn't have done that. That's so selfish. Because scripture says, Mark 8:34, if anyone wants to come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross. Like, how dare I think about myself during my two hour prayer time. Philippians 2. Do nothing out of selfishness. God, I'm so sorry for my selfishness. With humility, consider others more important than yourselves. God, it's so not important what matters to me. This is not important if I can't pay my, my bill or my tuition or God, it doesn't matter that, you know, I don't have clothes or whatever else. Doesn't really matter because I'm not more important. They're more important.
[00:35:08] And you see how like all of a sudden like the lens of rejection and self hatred and self, you know, beating Myself up self criticism was loud and it spoke through the voice of scripture. And I had all of them memorized. You know, like greater love has no one than this. Than. Lay down your life, Vic. The best thing you can do is lay down your life. Don't even think about, you know, and so I'm thinking this way and yet God doesn't actually pastor this way. God wasn't telling me that because God's not trying to hurt Vic to bless John. You know, God's trying to bless Vic and John. They're both his kids. Like, I have an older daughter, London, and I have a younger daughter, Emmy. She's four or five now. And I'm not trying to hurt London to bless Emmy. Hey, London, you know what? Now it's time for the cross for you. You know, like you've had enough of a bed, clothes, food. Now we're gonna take away your bed and your clothes and your toys and your food. We're going to take away your career. We're going to take away your future. You know what? Good news, that's what Jesus did. We're going to teach you the way of the cross now we're going to give it all to Emmy. Now Emmy's going to have clothes, food, shelter, safety. But you, you're taking the way of the cross.
[00:36:08] So I'm sorry, but no more provision for you, protection for you. You're on your own. You're learning the way of Jesus. Deny yourself. You got to think of your sister as more important than yourself.
[00:36:19] Not the way we parent. Right, but we think godparents that way.
[00:36:23] Well, I mean, we kind of learned it from him. Like we don't parent that way because it's not in our nature. Because it's not in his nature.
[00:36:31] He's not trying to hurt you to bless your brother or sister.
[00:36:42] Denying yourself doesn't mean abandoning yourself. Actually within scripture is the assumption that there's going to be a basic self love. Like Ephesians 5, 28, 29 says husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. It's already like tied into the scripture. Like love your wife as to the same measure, to the same degree that you take care of yourself to that measure. Now give away to the measure that you have. That's the measure you can give away.
[00:37:06] Otherwise you're going to be giving away on empty.
[00:37:10] Now some people, they're like, they're in the other ditch. It's all about them, them, them. They never really actually sacrifice, lay their life down. So like those scriptures that I Read. Maybe those are the scriptures of the Holy Spirit speaking to you. Hey, it's time to kind of, like, lay down your life a little bit. It's kind of all about you. But for me as a pastor and someone that just wanted to love God and love people, I was on the opposite extreme. I didn't have any boundaries, any health. I didn't know how to say no. I didn't know how to live like Jesus lived when he was. When the crowd was like, hey, we need you. And he's like. And I'll be like, okay, well, I got really nothing left, but you need me. I can't say no because Jesus wouldn't say that. No, actually, Jesus did say no. Like, I have a list of things. Point number four, really good one. Didn't get to it.
[00:37:49] But just read through that a little bit. And then, like, go to the part where, like, there's 21 times where Jesus refuses and tells people no to pressure, to distraction, to what they want from him, to staying in the city, to, you know, to staying around and healing more of them.
[00:38:06] Jesus, like, nah, not doing that.
[00:38:11] That's not what I'm doing right now. He preached, he was tired. Guess what he did.
[00:38:16] Deuces crowds. But the crowds aren't leaving. So he gets in a boat, pulls away from the shore. Disciples, let's go. Let's get a little bit of rest. Let's get a little bit of food. But the people are still there. I mean, they weren't done being healed. They weren't done being taught. And so now he's like, dude, leave me alone. But they won't leave him alone. So he has to, like, get away from the shore. You can read about it in the Mark. And then they're resting, eating in the boat, chilling. And the crowd's like, we can still see your boat.
[00:38:39] And they literally walk around the lake and wait till he parks again. And it's the same crowd that meets him there the same day.
[00:38:48] But Jesus is like, nah, dog, I'm gonna eat and sleep.
[00:38:54] But that's not really Christlike. I mean, man, Jesus didn't, you know. But I, you know, I could only hear one part of Scripture, because sometimes the enemy will try to beat you up in your strength, right?
[00:39:06] Anyways, I hope you get the point. If you don't just read through this, I think it'll make sense.
[00:39:13] But Jesus, ah, he was so healthy.
[00:39:18] He just remained in the Father's love.
[00:39:20] And every time he. He gave to where it was like, oh, my overflow stopped. I'm at 100 right now. I'm gonna go get overflow. And he would leave people go to solitary places. And he would pray, father, you're amazing. I love you. And he's, you know, it's early in the morning. It's, It's. It's Mark 1:35, early in the morning while it was still dark. Jesus gets away. Why? Because the crowds were there really late, really early. And he's like, they can't see where I am yet. It's dark. I'm out. He sneaks away. Father, show me a good hiding spot. He finds the hiding spot. He's in a solitary place alone, praying John 1, Mark 1:35. And then guess what? He's just, oh, Father, I love you too.
[00:40:02] This is awesome.
[00:40:04] He's just getting overflow.
[00:40:06] And then Simon comes and he's like, finally, I found you. I've been looking for you for hours. Where have you been, dude? You found my hiding spot. Father, help me find a better spot next time.
[00:40:18] Had Simon, Simon, what do you. He's like, the people have been waiting all morning for you. Come and minister to them. And he's like, no, I'm actually not. I'm out of here.
[00:40:28] There's other places we're going to go. He leaves the hungry, desperate crowd that still needs more.
[00:40:36] And he's like, I'm not even going to the crowd.
[00:40:39] Jesus knew when he reached capacity, he was going to go to overflow, and he was going to go into the pool of the Father's love, and he was going to only give from overflow. And when the overflow ended, he was going to go get more overflow. And he was never going to give from empty because he was going to be healthy, because healthy relationships.
[00:40:59] Jesus had healthy relationships, man. He didn't allow the accusers, he didn't allow the questioners. He didn't allow the Pharisees, the pilots, to ask him questions he wasn't going to answer questions he wasn't going to answer. He was like, nah.
[00:41:14] He would ask questions in return.
[00:41:18] Studied the life of Jesus. He was pretty healthy relationally.
[00:41:22] He had like, the three friends, and then he had, like the 12 friends, and they're named. Everyone else is unnamed. Even though there's a lot of them. There was a crowd of disciples in one of the passages. A crowd of disciples asked him, you know, in Acts, chapter one, when Judas, you know, he leaves the. The group of 12, he ends his life, and they're going to replace him. It's the requirement for the replacement was let's look through all the crowd of disciples that have been with Jesus since day one of his baptism. Whoa. That's a bunch of unnamed people with Jesus since the day he was baptized.
[00:41:58] Yeah, but Jesus had capacity to name 12.
[00:42:02] That was it.
[00:42:04] And then there was times where he would even. Not even let the 12 go with him. There was times where he just let the three go with him. There was times where he's like, none of y' all are coming with me. There was times where, like, the mother and the brothers were like, hey, hi, family.
[00:42:18] It's time for a family Thanksgiving.
[00:42:22] I don't have any family.
[00:42:24] My family is right here. Ouch.
[00:42:27] He wasn't trying to be mean to his family.
[00:42:29] He was just saying, like, hey, you guys, mom, I'm so thankful you birthed me, but actually, I'm God's thank you. That, you know, there's some DNA from you and me. Yay.
[00:42:42] But you're not my real mom. Whoa, Whoa.
[00:42:50] Jesus kind of mean.
[00:42:54] Or healthy.
[00:42:59] Healthy. You will lead to healthy relationships. But some of us, we can't even say no to our extended family when they're asking us over for Thanksgiving because, man, World War Three, I mean, well, it's happening right now. I guess World War four might break out, you know, if we say no.
[00:43:18] Learning the ways of Jesus, I'm diving back into him.
[00:43:22] I started with 21 ways that Jesus was not acting like Vic. The last, you know, 15, 20 years of ministry. I'm like, okay, Jesus, I'm gonna go back, I'm gonna sit at your feet, and I'm not gonna believe the lies that I've been believing because people are like, vic, you're my teacher. And I'm like, yeah, Vic, you're my father. Okay? Vic, you're my best friend. Okay?
[00:43:44] And now there's like 50 people that are my best friend, Like a hundred people that I'm their father, and 6,000 people that I'm their teacher. And they have access to me 24, 7. And I'm wondering why I'm, like, anxious and.
[00:43:56] And frying my hair, you know, and having to go on five month sabbaticals. It's like, hashtag, not doing what Jesus did. You know, last time I checked, I'm not your father. Did I give birth to you? Do a DNA test, not your daddy.
[00:44:12] Jerry, tell them, get your own daddy.
[00:44:21] How about, Jesus is your father, you know?
[00:44:25] How about Jesus is your teacher? How about, my job is not to be your pastor, is to lead you to the pastor.
[00:44:32] My job is not to be your teacher. It's to guide you to the teacher.
[00:44:36] My job is not to be your friend. I have a limited capacity and there's too many already in there.
[00:44:42] My job is to lead you to that friend because I'm going to be not as good of a friend. Ask my friends. I'm not really a good friend to them because I have way too many and I don't know how to even text them back.
[00:44:54] 6,000 unread messages. Okay, Sign up for that friendship. You don't want it. You know, we better stop and pray.
[00:45:06] Can we stand to our feet?
[00:45:11] I'm not your pastor or your friend.
[00:45:15] Jesus is.
[00:45:19] Ah. I feel free, you know?
[00:45:24] No, you guys hear me, right? I love being your pastor.
[00:45:28] I just don't want to know your name. I'm just kidding.
[00:45:32] Just kidding. I love people really well. You know why? Because I've learned how to get wet in the pool of his love.
[00:45:38] So I'm gonna love people really well.
[00:45:41] I'm gonna be a good friend to people because I've been with a friend.
[00:45:48] Jesus, help us, Lord. We want to know God, Holy Spirit, would you point out to us where we've not stewarded our life well? Where we've not stewarded our body well, we haven't stewarded our soul well. We haven't stewarded our spirit well. God, would you show us where we haven't stewarded? But we've tried to give out of empty and we've really hurt ourselves and people. God, we're done. We're breaking up with giving from empty. We want to give from full. We want to give from overflow. We want it to be joy. We want it to be joy overflowing.
[00:46:21] Joy overflowing.
[00:46:23] Joy overflowing.
[00:46:26] Somebody's gonna get their joy back today because they just got set free from giving from empty because they're going back into the river. Come on, you big hippo. Get in the river.
[00:46:38] You're gonna get your joy back.
[00:46:40] You're gonna go from depression to joy. You're gonna go from anxiety to joy. You're gonna go from mental health battles to joy.
[00:46:48] I told you this, that your joy may be full.
[00:46:53] Fill us with your joy, God, help us be such good receivers of your joy.
[00:46:58] We need your joy.
[00:47:00] We need your joy that your joy may be full in us, God. Thank you, Lord.
[00:47:05] I'm gonna invite the ministry to come forward.
[00:47:08] If you have not stewarded your life really well, you've had no health in your life. You've lived like you, not like Jesus. I want to invite you into a study. I want to invite you into the teachers chambers where you can sit at his feet and he'll always answer your questions and dms.
[00:47:27] I want to invite you to the feet of Jesus. I want to invite you into community. I want to invite you to not do life alone. I want to invite you to break up with rejection, with depression, with selfishness and to marry him.
[00:47:43] To marry love, to marry acceptance, to become one with Him. I want to invite you into that.
[00:47:50] Would you join me church into this journey into the Father's love that we would be loved.
[00:47:58] We would be loved because you're worthy of his love, son.
[00:48:03] You're worthy of his love, daughter. You're worthy of his love. Be loved.
[00:48:09] Allow him. Allow him into your heart. Allow him in to your pain. Allow him into your past.
[00:48:15] Don't block it from him anymore.
[00:48:18] Allow him in.
[00:48:21] We're gonna invite the ministry team to minister. If you need a touch of God, if you need a word of encouragement, a word of love, a word of counsel, a word of wisdom, come to Jesus. And sometimes you know that looks like your neighbor or your friend touching you and allowing Jesus to come through them to you.
[00:48:41] But allow yourself to come and just be loved by God today.
[00:48:46] Holy Spirit, show us where have we not stewarded our life the way you've stewarded your life. And we repent of that. Make us aware.
[00:48:55] Help us to be humble and repent and help us to learn the ways of Jesus.
[00:49:01] Jesus Name let's worship. Let's respond to God this morning.
[00:49:08] Thank you for joining Kingdom Movement Online. I pray and hope that that sermon impacted you deeply. I would love if you shared this with a few friends and family. And before you go, don't forget to subscribe. See you next week.
