Episode Transcript
[00:00:07] Last week, Pastor Roman spoke a message called the Truth about Marriage. Talking about being formed into the image of God. Marriage is a way that God wants to form us. Amen. If you're not married, there's other ways God wants to form us. And marriage is one of them.
[00:00:22] So Roman shared about why marriage matters. A quick summary. He basically talked about how like marriage reflects God's image.
[00:00:28] Also marriage reveals like the mystery of Christ and the church. Really powerful. There's an eternal mystery there. We'll talk about that a little bit today.
[00:00:35] Marriage also is built on covenant. Not contract, but covenant. And then we talked a little bit about headship in marriage, what it looks like. For what is a man being head over woman? What does that mean? Just as Christ is head over the church, but he loves and gives himself for her, not domineers or controls. So it's about Christ's self giving love and how a great marriage, what it takes is humility, it takes sacrifice, it takes intentionality.
[00:00:59] So really good biblical foundation for marriage that we got last week. I wanna continue along this journey and I actually wanna, I wanna talk about marriage, but I also wanna expand and just talk about relationships. Cause all of us have relationships, we're all called in relationships. And actually I think the health of our relationships has a lot to do with the health of, of our individual person, soul, us.
[00:01:25] If you have trouble in your relationships, any relationships that you have, if you have tension, trouble, issues, struggles, can I tell you that within there is definitely some wholeness that God wants to increase. And so this year we're focusing on increasing our wholeness. Amen. I have noticed that, you know, one of the issues that I have struggled with as far as relationships go since I was pretty young was anger.
[00:01:47] And so getting angry a lot was something that caused a lot of tension in my relationships. It caused tension with my siblings, caused tension with my parents, caused tension with friends, caused tension in my marriage, caused tension in my parenting, caused tension in my friendships, caused tension in my senior leadership team at this church. You know why? Because I thought the whole time I had a problem with anger. Actually my real problem was not anger. My real problem was undealt with pain in my life. And so now I've been on a journey to actually deal with that. The Lord's like made that really clear that that's, you know, that's the thing that I'm going after. So it's been a really fun journey. And I've actually seen how like anger starts to disintegrate when you go after the Root, not the fruit. Right. The fruit is. There's brokenness in my relationships. Why am I keep fumbling the football with everyone I love? Why do I keep hurting them? I don't want to hurt them. I love them. I would give my life for them. Why do I keep hurting them? And I don't. The fruit is the actions, but the root is something deeper.
[00:02:48] And so all of our relationships in our life are basically a litmus test of how healthy you are. Because a healthy person has healthy relationships. And actually people that are unhealthy, a healthy person, they actually don't come to a healthy person or relate to them. Like Jesus, he was not a magnet for broken people. Like, actually, you know, they tried to come to him and he was, you know, he had really healthy boundaries. He had different circles of intimacy which we may, you know, talk about in the future, maybe next, next week when I speak. But so he had, you know, his, his inner circle and different levels of access that people had to him. But really broken, unhealthy people didn't. Didn't have access to him. He went and chose the people that he was going to invest his time into. So the crowds were around Jesus. He touched them, but he didn't give them access. There's actually a scripture that says Jesus knowing what's in the heart of man did not entrust himself to them. Very interesting passage. Anyways, more on that maybe in the future. But my main point and goal today is for us to understand that God wants health in our relationships. And health in your relationships equals health in your spirit, soul, your mind, your heart, your body.
[00:04:00] And so we'll talk a little bit about that today. And we're talking about intentional marriage. That's the title of my message.
[00:04:07] I have a 16 page PDF document to help with this. And it's not because I'm gonna go through it today. It's because I want you to walk away with some tools, some scripture. So everything I say is actually based in scripture. It's based in the Word.
[00:04:22] This would be a really long Bible study. So it can't be a sermon. It can maybe be like, you know, a teaching series of like 10 weeks maybe where we could actually div into every scripture and unveil this. But to help you along the journey, if this message speaks to you today and you want to actually grow in one of your relationships, maybe it's your marriage, maybe it's a different relationship, you can use these tools. So I have like an appendix section with lots of different stuff. So if you Want to download that? You can. You can do that by tapping the disc in front of you. You can also, later on, if you're like, I don't know if it's worth it. But later on you're like, okay, maybe it is worth it. Maybe the Holy Spirit reminds you. Then you can always go back to our website and go to our media tab, and then in there, you'll see the messages and stuff like that. And you can always download notes from. Whenever I speak, I like to provide further research and investigation if you so desire. Because I. I believe that a truth is like a seed. But if you don't plant the seed, water it, it won't grow. So every time you come to church, you get a seed. And sometimes you walk away thinking like, you're. You're awesome. You're changed. Actually, you only have a seed. What are you gonna do with that seed? That will determine whether you see any fruit in your life. A lot of Christians go to church all the time, but they never see fruit. Why? Because they only get seed. But they never water. They never put in the work.
[00:05:30] Getting a seed is very, very easy.
[00:05:34] Getting it to grow, that takes work and time and watering and cultivating and fertilizing and watering again. Anyone ever planted gardens? I've done that stuff.
[00:05:46] You know, it's easy to go to the grocery store and buy finished produce. It's hard to grow it in your backyard. That's hard. Getting a seed is easy. Getting you to eat the fruit of your seeds that you planted, that's work.
[00:06:02] And that's exactly how church is. So be careful that you don't walk away from church thinking, I am full. No, actually, you have some seeds.
[00:06:10] Let's go. So that's the reason why I give my notes to you, because I want your seed to grow.
[00:06:17] Okay, Foundational passage is First Peter, chapter three, verse one through nine. Really? Foundational passage, the first six verses.
[00:06:27] Peter is telling us, he says in the same way, wives. Now he says in the same way because he refer. He's actually referring back to the previous chapter, first Peter, chapter two. And he's saying, chapter two, verse 13. He says, submit yourselves for the Lord's sake, to every human institution, whether a king or. Or as one in authority. So first Peter, chapter two, verse 13, starts with submit. All humans should submit to the institutions of authority that God has established. God's established lots of different institutions, and he wants us to submit to those. And then he follows up, and then he says in chapter three, in the same way, I want Wives to be subject to your own husbands. And then he talks for five, six verses. Six verses about wives. And then he switches to husbands in the same way.
[00:07:11] So notice that there's a linked theme here. Starts in 1 Peter, chapter 2. It goes to 1 Peter, chapter 3, about wives, and 1 Peter, chapter 4, about husbands. But all of it's actually connected to submission.
[00:07:22] And all of it's actually connected to submission, to Jesus, to the Lord.
[00:07:27] All things will go well when we submit to God and his way, instead of our way, instead of the humanistic way, instead of the selfish way. God's way.
[00:07:36] Yahweh.
[00:07:38] His way.
[00:07:39] Yahweh. Yahweh. Not my way. My way.
[00:07:42] No way. No way. All right, sorry, I just had a little bit of coffee right before I preached, so I didn't do that during first service.
[00:07:52] Okay, I'll start with my introduction. It says this that great relationships are formed, not found.
[00:08:01] Great relationships are formed, not found. Great marriages are formed, not found. Great friends are formed, not found. Great community is formed, not found.
[00:08:15] Oftentimes we walk around and say, no one wants to be my friend. I'm a victim. Everyone hates me. Nobody loves me. I'm gonna go eat worms. I went to this church. No, there's no community. They didn't offer me anything. I went 15 times and no one loves me, said hi to me. They didn't offer me anything. I am a victim of this church. I'm going to write a bad review and go to the next church. And then guess what? And then you follow people's reviews and they only have 1 star reviews of like, every single church they've ever been to. What does that tell me? I wonder if it's the community or if they're trying to find something that they're supposed to build instead, I'm going to come to a place and they're going to give me community. No, community is not found.
[00:08:54] It's formed.
[00:08:56] Yes, it's built. I want to invite us church into forming the thing that we're longing for. We want to sit at a table because we look on Instagram and we're like, wow, like, how come I wasn't invited to that table? Well, maybe the table that you're looking to sit at is the table that you're going to form.
[00:09:14] Maybe you're going to find your friends and form a table so that you can have community in your life because no one will hand you a built community. That's really awesome because if you do find a community and it's really awesome. And you get into it, it will no longer be awesome because you haven't learned how to form anything.
[00:09:33] You will break that community. Whoa. We're talking truth. Dang, this hurts. We better slow down, Lord. Now massage some of that pain that just hit us.
[00:09:42] Are you guys doing okay? I'm going to tell you the truth because I love you.
[00:09:47] But great things are never found. They're formed.
[00:09:51] Is it? When it comes to relationships. When it comes to relationships, they're formed, not found. Okay, that's. That's a.
[00:09:59] That's my first point.
[00:10:02] It's interesting. I have a daughter. Her name is Emmy, and I have two daughters. One's Linda, one's Emmy, and they're awesome.
[00:10:10] But one of the things that my daughter Emmy does is that she now that she's five. Because, you know, in life, there's different types of relationships that God gives us. There's actually five of them. There's actually six. Someone told me after service, there's actually six. I missed it. But in my notes I have five. I'll tell you what this explanation is in a minute, but God gives you six relationships, and all of them are actually school. And they're meant to form you. And the forming that God wants from you is for you to become love. I believe when we come into eternity, God's gonna ask us one thing. Vic, did you learn to love? Because I put you in school and I gave you all these relationships, did you learn to love? He's not going to ask. Vic, did you use your gifts for me as a good slave?
[00:10:50] Vic, did you use your calling for me as a good slave? Yes, Our work will be tested by fire. 1 Corinthians, chapter 3 says, and whatever remains will be rewarded. Whatever does not remain, you know, will be destroyed. But we ourselves being saved, barely escaping the fire. So, yes, our works matter as far as rewards go.
[00:11:10] But God is more interested in who you're becoming. And did you become love? And actually, all the relationships that God's given you on this earth are doing one thing. They're forming you to become love.
[00:11:21] So I wanna talk about how do we build an intentional marriage? But actually, it's really broad. It's. How do you build an intentional anything relationship? Cause these principles are foundational. So it's interesting that when you're born on this earth, the first relationship that God gives you to steward is actually not even to steward. First relationship that you experience is a child. And a child is born to a mom and a dad that they did not choose, but they're there. And they have one job. To be loved.
[00:11:49] God gives us our first relationship on this earth, and it starts with just being loved. Like, you can't do anything for yourself. You can't feed yourself. You can't change yourself. You can't go to the bathroom, you know, by yourself. Well, I guess you can kind of do that, but you can't, like, fix that. You know, you can't shower yourself, you can't burp yourself, you can't roll over yourself. You can't walk anywhere. You can't move your. Like, everything is done for you. Why? Because the first thing God wants you to learn when you're on this earth, he's saying, listen, the most important thing, my son, my daughter, is that you would just be loved by me. You didn't choose me. I chose you.
[00:12:25] And I love you. So beloved be loved. And if you don't ever graduate from that, you won't be able to have health in any other relationship.
[00:12:33] So you first have to beloved be loved.
[00:12:37] Be loved. And that's something, man, that God has been, like, inviting me on for the last nine years of my life. He's saying, vic, I want you to receive my love. And I'm like, yes, I agree. God, I don't know how to do that. And I'm finally in 2026, learning very practical tools of how to be loved.
[00:12:55] Because I didn't realize that all the rejection that I had in my childhood, all the way up until seventh grade and even beyond, led me to feeling like I'm not lovable, I'm not loved, I should be rejected. I'm probably a loser. You know, English is my second language. No one wants to be my friend. No one wants to be in my community. I'm weird, I'm poor, all my clothes are hand me downs, this and that, whatever. I won't get into my story. But everything reinforced this idea that you are not worthy to be loved. You're worthy to be rejected. So that was like, my foundation. And then, you know, by the time I reach high school now I'm like, bigger, taller, more popular, better at school, better at sports. Now I'm like, top of my. From the bottom of my class to my ninth grade, I'm the top of my class in academics. You know, I'm on the varsity basketball team in Spokane, Washington, where Gonzaga University is gonna win the national championship. I'm doing all that cool stuff. I'm on tv, I'm now cool. Everyone wants to be my friend. So I'm like, oh, the past is behind me. Praise God. Now I can just pursue God, pursue ministry. All is well. I'll ignore all of the pain in my life all the way through middle school and pretend like it didn't happen. Pretend like I didn't move to a different country as a child and get immersed right away into all this stuff.
[00:14:04] I'm good because God is good.
[00:14:07] And I was born in a, you know, a pastor's family, church, five days a week, all this stuff, right? And so I didn't learn how to be loved because I didn't know how to receive love, because I thought I was unworthy of love.
[00:14:21] So the past nine years, Lord's like, vic, let me love you. And I'm like, yes, Lord, but I don't know what to do. So now I'm actually learning how to do that. Maybe that's a different sermon.
[00:14:30] How do you actually go from not receiving love to receiving love from God? Really powerful.
[00:14:36] But the first relationship God gives you on this earth is being a child. You know why? Because he wants you to learn how to love, how to be loved.
[00:14:42] Before you are loved, you got to be loved. Number two, you grew up a little bit, and you have this other relationship that you didn't choose. The first two relationships God gives you, you didn't choose them because he wants you to learn something. He gives you these siblings, and you didn't pick them, but now they're your friends. They share your bed, your space, your toys, everything, your life.
[00:15:02] They're trying to take over your soul. You know what I mean? And these siblings, you didn't choose them, but you got to love them, right? And all of a sudden, God gave us siblings. Why? Because he wants us to learn how to love people that he puts in our life that actually we didn't even choose them. They're just in our life, like family and stuff like that, right? God chooses this. Why now? Why does God allow us to become children temporarily? Do you know all the. All five of or six of these relationships that we have on the earth, all of them are temporary. We don't take them into eternity. Like, I'm not going to be the child of my mom and dad in eternity. Like, my mom and dad, my physical mom, my biological mom and dad are not my parents in eternity, you know?
[00:15:37] And my siblings, they're not my siblings in eternity. We actually have a different relationship. Jesus said that, you know, there was a man, he got married to this woman, and then he died. But he had good, good news. He had six brothers. And the Jewish tradition Was like, you had to, you know, give, you know, your brother's wife, a kid, so then another one marry him. He died and all. And all down to the seven. All of them died. And the woman's still alive, no kids. And so the Sadducees were like, so Jesus, since you believe in the resurrection and we don't, who's she gonna be married to? And he's like, you don't actually understand.
[00:16:06] There ain't no marriage in heaven.
[00:16:08] So interesting. Jesus specifically says that these relationships don't go into eternity. But why does God make all of our life about relationships? Because all of it's a school to learn how to love.
[00:16:17] Marriage is actually temporary because you have a marriage that he invites you into in eternity in his marriage with him, and there's an invitation for it. So for eternity, you're a child of God for eternity. Jesus is not ashamed to call us brothers and sisters.
[00:16:34] Jesus, after his resurrection, he tells Mary, Mary, go and tell my brothers.
[00:16:39] Right? Jesus is not afraid to call us the household of God, the family of God. Wow. We are the children of God, Siblings with Christ. Like, wow. Theologically, that is wild. I think sometimes we don't understand the significance of that. God is God. He created humans and invited them into family and calls them children and. And siblings and friends and bride.
[00:17:03] What God does that with us? We didn't choose that. God did.
[00:17:08] Wow. Guys get that revelation.
[00:17:12] That's insane. So then now we have a third category of relationship that God gives us, and now we get to choose it. That's called friends. We're not related to them. We don't have to be around them, but we want them. Now we're learning all this cool stuff in friendship, right? So. So now back to my daughter, Emmy. So she was a child, and we've loved her really well. And she's really good at getting love. Every time she wants love, she runs into my arms. You'll see her often on Sunday morning here. I'm like, hey, Emmy, let's take you to class. No, Dad, I just wanna go to worship for a little bit. And she'll come and she'll just cuddle me, and she'll cuddle right on my neck. And I get so much joy just releasing all my love on this little girl. So she has learned the first thing that God wanted her to learn. Beloved be loved. She allows me to smooch on her and hug her and cuddle her and play with her. And she's been a good receiver of love because of that. She's Become a good sibling. And now, even though, you know, she fights sometimes as a sibling, but they always love each other. They share a bed together. Because science actually says that siblings that share a bed together when they grow up, they're really close for the rest of their life. And siblings that never share a bed together aren't as close. Scientific data. So guess what we did this past year. Hey, London, I know you're 13, but your sister's gonna sleep with you because I want you guys to be friends for the rest of your life.
[00:18:27] So she doesn't like it. You know what she does in her bed? She puts this, like, I have like a foam roller for running this long one. She puts it in between as a barrier. So her sister doesn't, like, kick her, touch her, and disrupt her sleep.
[00:18:39] But they're sharing a bed because they're gonna be friends for life, right?
[00:18:44] And then, so then, so because my 5 year old has learned to receive love, she's really good at it. Now she's learning how to love her sister. She wants to stay in her sister's room. She always does cute notes and all these things for her sister. She's a good sister. She's learned that sibling thing. So now guess what? Now she wants her own friends. So every single day, Emmy tells me, daddy, text Andrea's mom, I want her to come over and play with me. I'm like. And then I kind of forget. I kind of ignore it. I'm just doing my thing. Dad, did you text her? What'd she say? Oh, no, I forgot. Let me do it. And then I forget, dad, did you text her? What'd she say? Oh, yeah, here, let me just text Andrea's mom. Hey, so Emmy wants to come over. I know she wants to come over every single day. You know, Andrea and Emmy, they want to play every single day. But, like, you know, what do you think? And then what did she say? It hasn't replied yet. You know, and then she's asking me like 20 times every day, did you text the mom? Can I play? Is she coming over? When is she coming over? Why? Because now she's choosing a relationship that's outside of our family to be a friend because she's learned how to receive love, give love to her sibling who she didn't choose. Now she knows how to give love to someone else. And now they have all these fireworks and tension and they fight, but they make up. And then they're screaming at each other. They're crying. You know, they're running to us like to comfort them. And then they're like, okay, so do you want Andrea to go home? No, I want her. Okay, but she hurt you. Yeah, but I want her. It's like, okay, cool. Like, you're gonna work through all this stuff. It's beautiful.
[00:20:05] So she's learning to be a friend, and then actually, what happens is, like, you. After you learn how to be a friend, the next level of relationship that God gives you is actually you can be a spouse for. You start as friends, and hopefully it doesn't become friends with benefits. I mean, after you're married. Yes, but not before marriage, because before marriage, that'll really hurt your life. And then you become.
[00:20:27] You become family. You start to build this covenant. Now God upgrades us into this relationship called marriage, which is covenant. And it's actually one of the deepest, most intimate relationships now, because you're not just sharing your life and your love, you're actually sharing your soul, your heart, your mind, your body, your finances, everything.
[00:20:51] Whoa. Why does God do that for us? It's all school.
[00:20:56] It's temporary. Now, Jesus said that we're not taking marriage into heaven, but I have asked my wife to sign a contract that she will live with me in the same cul de sac, same street. I'm saying, like, hey, if you want, just move into my house. Like, and you might have one, but just move into my house. And actually, I'm gonna have a really big room. You can live in my room. And actually, we can just share a bed, if that's cool with you. I know they don't do that marriage thing in heaven, but, like, I'm having her already because that's the girl that I want forever. You know what I mean? And so. And I told my kids the same thing. Listen, you know, you're not. I'm not your parent in heaven, but you're gonna live on my street, my cul de sac, my house. I'm gonna have really good stuff for you. So I know. Don't forget about me. You signed this paper. I'm gonna hold you to it. And so I'm developing a contract for my kids so that they can live in my cul de sac. Even though we might not have that relationship in eternity, I still want them. That's how much I love them. So what does that tell me? That I've learned to love.
[00:21:53] And so God gives us this marriage relationship. It's a covenant, and it's actually a picture of him and us, because God invites us to. To become the bride of Christ, you know, because you start out as a child of God. That's not your choice. Actually. You're born in this world with the stamp and image of God. So in one sense, by nature, you're a child of God. But then what we do is, you know, we grow up and we grow up in a sinful world, and so we go astray, each to his own way.
[00:22:16] And then, you know, it's kind of like the prodigal. It's kind of like the father in Luke 15. He was a father with two sons. And the younger son left to the world, the older son left to the field. But. But they both left the house. And the cry at the end of the story is the father's wanting both of them back in the house. The prodigal son returns home and is restored. The father says he was dead, but is alive again.
[00:22:37] Meaning like he started in the home, he was dead and is alive again. Yay, he came home. That's called salvation. The older son, no matter how much the father is pleading with him, he doesn't want to come home because he's mad at his dad. Cause his dad is merciful to this joker that made him, you know, wasted his money. How dare you do that? This self righteous worker for God. I'm not coming into your house. What kind of dad are you? You're gonna let your son do that to you? Forget about it. I'm gonna stay in this field because you, you haven't even given me a single thing. I've worked for you my whole life. Dang. And the father's like, son, come home.
[00:23:18] You know, we all start in the home we leave. You're born as a child in the God's home. We all sin, we go astray, some to the world, some to the field, but neither of them are your place. Home is where you belong.
[00:23:33] You know, they each have a sibling. They didn't really learn how to love that. Well, because then that brother is like hating the other one for coming home, you know, didn't really learn how to love that older brother. And the father's inviting him home, right?
[00:23:47] Where was I going with this?
[00:23:49] I remember.
[00:23:51] Are you learning anything? This is not really my message, but God is teaching us something.
[00:23:59] Children, siblings, friends, spouse, he wants us to learn love. Oh, this is what I was saying.
[00:24:07] You start out as a child, you leave the father's house, he is inviting you back. And when you come back home, you're born again. You were dead and you're alive again. You were born once and you need to get born Again.
[00:24:22] Amen.
[00:24:24] And so you come home, you're born again. And now he doesn't want you to be a servant or a slave. He wants you, you're a believer, back in the house. But what kind of relationship are you going to have with the Father? Because the Lord invites us into friendship with God. Not all believers are friends of God. Jesus. In Luke I forget somewhere later, 15 something he says that disciples, you followed me these three years, you've become my disciples. You've laid aside this, this and this. I no longer call you servants, I now call you friends. Why? Because they, they went from just being a believer to being a follower. A friend is a follower of God. God's secrets are for those who fear him, not just for those who believe in him. Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you'll be saved. Awesome for you. But that's just, that's called infancy. Most a lot of Christians stay as infants and they never grow up into friendship with God. But God offers his friendship to you. Not only that, but God also offers brideship to you. I don't believe every believer is the bride, because for the bride there's qualifications. You look at, you know Matthew, chapter 25, and it talks about the foolish and the wise virgins. And the ones that entered into the kingdom went on the honeymoon with him because the bridegroom came, they were all virgins, they all had lamps, they all had oil, they all fell asleep first. Death is called sleep. And then when the groom returns, the ones with the extra oil, they basically laid all of their life savings on the line. They're like, we're not just going to buy a lamp and let you live in my lamp. You're not just going to. Holy Spirit's not just going to be in my lamp. I'm not just going to be a born again Christian. I'm actually going to lay down all of my savings and buy all the oil. I'm going to have nothing left in my account. I'm to going, I'm gonna give you everything. Because I don't just wanna be saved, I wanna be your bride. I wanna go with you on the honeymoon. And the door was shut and he said, I don't know you, I don't have intimacy with you. So can I tell you there's something greater as a Christian than just being a Christian and being born again and being back in dad's house. There's something greater. It's called friendship. And then there's something greater than that. It's called, you're the bride. Notice how God gave us these relationships on the earth to show us the relationships we can have with him for eternity. We. But there's an invitation. Cause the first relationship, children, that's not your choice. But it is your choice if you're gonna stay in the house.
[00:26:34] Second relationship, siblings. Not your choice whose your siblings are, but it's your relationship. How you're gonna have, you know, are you gonna have them? Now, a third choice is up to you. Third relationship is up to you. Friend.
[00:26:45] Will you be his friend? He invites you at the feast. In Matthew, when Jesus does parable, the There are.
[00:26:54] There are guests that show up last minute because he sends the invitation out three or four times, and all they have to do is show up. And what do they have to put on? Just one thing. There's only one requirement for them to get into the feast.
[00:27:07] The king's robe. Well, what is the king's robe?
[00:27:11] Righteousness. Thank you.
[00:27:13] The guy that came in his own robe is like, oh, myself. Righteousness is good. No, actually, get out.
[00:27:19] There's only one requirement. Righteousness of God. How do you get that? As a gift for just showing up and believing.
[00:27:27] But. So there's guests at the wedding. Guess who else is at the wedding. Friends.
[00:27:33] They didn't just show up. They were friends. They followed him. I no longer call you a slave. I call you a friend. You've been my disciple. But guess who else was at the wedding feast. The groom that married the bride.
[00:27:47] And guess who's the only one that goes on the honeymoon? The bride. When I went on my honeymoon, my friends and guests did not come. Praise God, and nor will they. You know, I'm gonna. We've gone on several, you know, we went on our honeymoon, went on a cruise. We've gone on several cruises since. And, you know, I don't take the guests for my wedding. You know, there's a couple covenant friends that have come on those honeymoon, but they don't come into our room. That's for me and my wife.
[00:28:09] So there is access that my wife has to me as my spouse, that. That no one has access to me. Can I tell you, in the kingdom, there are different levels of access to the Lord. In eternity, there are different levels of access to the Lord. This is an interesting revelation. I've been developing it for five or six years. I'm writing a book on it. About three years ago, I spoke a message, lordship of Jesus. Are you just.
[00:28:32] Are you just saved or are you a disciple? Are you a friend? And are you actually.
[00:28:39] Are you the Bride of Christ. Because I don't believe everyone in the church is the bride of Christ.
[00:28:43] Go study that out biblically.
[00:28:46] Don't believe me? Just go check it out.
[00:28:49] What am I. Why am I saying this?
[00:28:52] God wants intimate relationship with you, Jesus, whole entire gospel message. You know what it was? It wasn't, hey, get saved. Today we preach the gospel of salvation.
[00:29:00] Jesus barely touched on the gospel of salvation because it was simple.
[00:29:04] Anyone who believes in me will never be condemned.
[00:29:07] But they've passed from death to life.
[00:29:09] Pretty simple. We don't need a whole, entire, you know, 27 books in the New Testament for that gospel.
[00:29:15] But Jesus actually preached the gospel of the kingdom to enter in, to be like the. The wise virgins that stewarded their oil, that laid down everything that said, God, I don't just want to be your friend. I want to be the bride.
[00:29:31] The new Jerusalem that comes out of heaven in Revelation, chapter 22, you know what it's called? The wife of the Lamb.
[00:29:37] The new Jerusalem, I believe, is for the bride. And it says that the gates are open and the nations come and go, but there's certain access that's only for the bride in eternity.
[00:29:49] Go check this out. Can I tell you guys, the gospel is not to get saved.
[00:29:57] That's the. That's the door.
[00:30:01] The gospel is actually that you would lay down your life, follow him, be his friend, and he invites you into marriage, partnership with him.
[00:30:11] Wow. But that is not for everyone that's saved.
[00:30:16] The Bible is very, very clear and it makes a distinction between salvation, friendship, and marriage.
[00:30:27] It matters in this life and in the age to come. And in the eternal age, it's going to make a difference whether you just got in and got the robe of righteousness last minute. Because the gospel goes out to the maimed, the lame, the broken, and they get to come into the feast.
[00:30:44] But they're not living in the new Jerusalem. They're not going on no honeymoon.
[00:30:49] Their works are all burned up, but they themselves, barely escaping the flames of fire, come into his kingdom. Who are you going to be? A believer? Are you going to be a comfortable Christian that lives for this life?
[00:31:02] Or are we going to lay down our life, friends, bride, man, this is not the message I prepared. So maybe online I'll post message number one. You can go check that one out.
[00:31:17] This is message number two.
[00:31:23] Then he invites us.
[00:31:25] With that covenant love, we get this crazy thing called bringing into this life new humans. Out of that covenant love comes children. Why does God allow us to become parents so that we can know his heart for us, that while we were still sinners, he died for us. Because your kids, you know, they might be born and all they want and need is you, but you would die for them. He wants you to know how he feels towards you, his child.
[00:31:57] It doesn't matter if your kids grow up. One goes into the world, one goes into the field, and they think that they're a slave. One thinks that he's, you know, a loser, the other thinks he's a slave, but you don't care. Every day you're waiting. Children, I love you. I already forgave you. Come home.
[00:32:14] He wants you to know his father's heart towards his children.
[00:32:22] So God allows us to become parents so we could feel that unconditional love. You don't have to do anything for me, my girl. Emmy. I'll die for you.
[00:32:32] You don't have to do anything, my girl London.
[00:32:35] I'll lay my life down in a second.
[00:32:39] God allows us to feel what he feels towards us.
[00:32:44] What's the sixth relationship?
[00:32:47] Grandbabies.
[00:32:49] I didn't. I. I did. I don't. I don't have that yet. And so I just. That was blank to me. But a grandparent came up to me. They're like, you forgot about grandchildren because you get all the fun without the work. I'm like, you're right, there's an upgrade there. You get all the fun and no work.
[00:33:03] Wow. Pretty cool relationship.
[00:33:06] Relationship number six. A G Daddy.
[00:33:11] One day they're going to call me a G Daddy.
[00:33:17] No, I'm going to make your kids call me a G Daddy. G Daddy. What's up? You know, Isn't it beautiful how God's invited us into these temporary six relationships on the Earth to teach us to love?
[00:33:38] Relationships are built, not found.
[00:33:43] I didn't have any close friends in my life until I was 18 or 19 years old in college, and my first friend was my college roommate. I was just talking to him on the phone this last week. His name is Brandon.
[00:33:56] Incredible man of God. He's an anointed musician. He was just hanging out all week with Martin Smith. They were writing music together. So this guy's just a lover of Jesus. But do you know why he was my friend?
[00:34:07] Because he happened to be in a room with me for a year and he had no choice but to talk to me.
[00:34:12] Do you know I had no friends until that age because I thought I was a reject. So why would I go build any friends? I'm not worth it.
[00:34:20] I'm not trying to tell you my Sob story because I had no idea that that's how I felt. But the Lord's like, hey, Vic, like, you're kind of good at this, like, transparency. You let people, like, look into your life, but you're not really good at vulnerability, where they actually can come into your life and love you.
[00:34:37] You're transparent. You live in a glass house. People know you're junk. That's awesome, Vic.
[00:34:41] But no one can have access to your heart and love you because you're not worth it. So why would you let.
[00:34:49] So now I'm learning how to let him love me because I missed that a little bit in my child development.
[00:34:53] So I have to go back and start with number one, Lord, I'm just a child.
[00:34:59] I'm not a minister, I'm not a pastor. I'm not a teacher. I'm not an evangelist. I'm not whatever title of work in the field you're giving me. God, I'm just a son. I want to be loved. Help me to be loved. I'm going to allow you to love me. I'm going to allow friends to love me. When people are like, hey, Vic, how is your heart? I. I'm not going to flip the script and say, how is your heart? I'm good.
[00:35:19] I'm fine.
[00:35:21] The four letter F word that'll ruin your friendships. F, I, N, E. Fine.
[00:35:27] What does it stand for we talked about in first service?
[00:35:31] Frustrated, Insecure.
[00:35:35] What's the N?
[00:35:37] Neurotic.
[00:35:39] E? Emotional.
[00:35:42] I'm frustrated, insecure. Neurotic and emotional. That's what that means when someone says they're fine.
[00:35:49] I'm fine. How are you? Because I'm not worth for you to stop and find out what's in my heart. But now I'm like, I'm going to let people love me because my job, beloved, is to be loved.
[00:36:04] And if I don't be loved, then everything else will actually burn me out.
[00:36:09] That's why, you know, this summer I went on a sabbatical. Not because I wanted to.
[00:36:16] I was toast in July.
[00:36:20] Because before that, my whole life I'm like, trying to love everyone else. But here's this, you know, kid that's been.
[00:36:30] I don't know, I've ignored my whole, you know, all my childhood, I've ignored that kid that needed love and attention and affection.
[00:36:37] And although I grew up in an awesome environment, there was stuff that I went through and I didn't know how to love that kid. And so because of that, you know, I'm now, you know, last year 40 and my whole life I'm a worker. I'm a really good older brother, man. I'm a worker.
[00:36:53] 80 hours a week ministry, meet with everyone. Can't say no to anyone. Anyone that wants to meet with me, I'll meet with them. And everyone thinks they're my friend, but actually they're not my friend because I don't let them in to love me. I'm only there for them to love them.
[00:37:06] So didn't really have any friends. I was doing isolation in community.
[00:37:09] It's a lot of people.
[00:37:12] No one knows you.
[00:37:14] You're transparent. They can see, but no one knows you.
[00:37:19] You're isolated in community. That's what the Lord told me in July.
[00:37:22] Vic, you've been isolating. You've been depressed for the last three years. And who knows? Nobody. Why? Because you're not worth it. It doesn't really matter. God is good, you're fine.
[00:37:33] So I was burnt out because of, you know, 20 years of ministry.
[00:37:37] I ignored that. So then that led to depression. So now I'm depressed for the past three years from, I don't know what was last year, 20, 25. So three years, 25, 24, 23. Since 23, at least.
[00:37:47] I go back, I'm like, oh yeah, definitely was depressed. And then because, you know, you ignore burnout, that'll lead to depression. You ignore depression, that'll lead to anxiety.
[00:37:57] I was super anxious all summer last year. You ignore anxiety, leads to insomnia. By July, I was having trouble sleeping. So my team was like, hey, Vic, let's help you get healthy. Thank you. I don't know how to stop. I have no boundaries. I'm just a really good worker. So what should I do tomorrow, bro?
[00:38:18] Just chill, go on, rest on sabbatical. Okay. What am I going to do during my sabbatical? I'm going to read like 15 books, right?
[00:38:25] Do you see the pattern there?
[00:38:28] And so I go on a two month sabbatical, that turns into five months because I don't know how to derev for two months because all I know is how to be a worker.
[00:38:38] So I grind myself as a worker, burn out.
[00:38:43] Thank God. Like God deals with my depression and anxiety and I'm doing so much better.
[00:38:51] But I started to realize, like, man, like I have to go back to relationship number one and just be a child because I didn't know how to be loved, had no boundaries, had no health. And now I'm learning it, man. It's awesome.
[00:39:04] I am breaking up with rejection, with isolation, no boundaries, lack of relational health. And I am marrying acceptance.
[00:39:16] And it's beautiful. And I'm getting some good tools. I'm putting in the work. I'm not just getting the seed because God told me In January of 2025, he said, Vic, I went to this, like, four day intensive on, like, trauma and all this stuff, and I had no idea I was there. I went there for my wife. She wanted to go there. I was like, okay, cool, I'll go with you. It's warm, it's sunny, it's January. You went to Arizona. I was like, praise God, sign me up. I don't care. Whatever session I have to sit in, I don't care if they're trying to sell me something.
[00:39:42] I'm going to the sun, you know, so I'm in this, you know, four week or four day intensive, and by the end, this, like, world renowned Christian therapist is like, so the theme on your life, Vic, is. Is. Is rejection. Are you gonna. Are you gonna deal with that?
[00:39:57] I'm like, I don't know. That doesn't really resonate. Let's put that on the shelf, you know?
[00:40:02] And then, you know, a friend comes to me in May and he's like, hey, man, you don't seem like you're okay's prophetic friend. You can see through your soul. He's like, kind of a shell of yourself, like, what's really going on? I'm good.
[00:40:13] Fine.
[00:40:15] Frustrated, insecure, neurotic, whatever else.
[00:40:19] So where I was, he's like, the Lord's talking to me about you, and he's saying, I want to deal with your rejection.
[00:40:27] Yeah, I don't know if that really resonates. I'm good, man. Like, I love God, I love people. Let's put that on the shelf.
[00:40:34] And then, you know, it's July, I'm about to go into a sabbatical, and my sister, who's an awesome inner healing specialist and deliverance and all that kind of stuff, she's like, hey, I've been praying for you, bro. I know you haven't really told us what's really going on with you, because why would I tell my siblings that I've been depressed and anxious and not sleeping? Because you don't do that because your life doesn't really matter like everyone else matters, but you don't.
[00:40:59] That's where I was. She's like, hey, I don't know really what's going on, but I've been praying for you for the past few weeks. And, like, the only thing Lord is telling me Is like, he wants to deal with your rejection. And I'm like, this better start resonating. Three strikes, you're out, Vic.
[00:41:16] So I was like, I'm gonna buy four books on this. And during my sabbatical, I'm gonna do really good work.
[00:41:22] I still haven't opened a single one of them. But the Lord has had me on a journey.
[00:41:26] And so, man, I love it. God is helping me be healthy because I realized that relationships in my life will only be healthy to the level that I am healthy.
[00:41:37] And God wants us to be healthy in our marriage. And, you know, there's a really cool sermon, notes online with 16 pages with some like, really cool tips and tools to help you be healthy in your relationships, encourage you to check it out. We may continue this maybe next week, but why don't we stand? I know we're over here.
[00:42:00] There's people in this place. And you've had a lot of relational tension, relationship tension in your life.
[00:42:11] Maybe you're divorced. Maybe you're single.
[00:42:18] Maybe you're single because there's a lot of pain in your life from relationships. Maybe they're romantic relationships that didn't work out. Maybe they're parent relationships that really damaged you. Sibling relationships, friend relationships. But you're single and you're using Christian theology to say, well, God hasn't really spoken to me. It's not God's will, It's not God's timing. You know, God told me I'm going to marry so and so or whatever else. You're using spiritual stuff to actually cover up the wounds that are preventing you from actually stepping out and getting married. And until that stuff is healed, you're going to keep having Christian excuses why you're single.
[00:42:49] Dang.
[00:42:51] Sorry.
[00:42:52] Not sorry, but kind of, but we're here for you.
[00:43:01] Maybe you've been divorced and there's pain. Maybe you're married, but you feel like, I want to be divorced. My life is hell on earth. And if you weren't like a good Christian with a reputation, you would have been out of that relationship a long time ago. But the only thing keeping you is you're a good Christian.
[00:43:18] Or maybe you're co parenting some kids and you're like, man, for the sake of them, let's just figure out how to be roommates so that we can just not destroy too many people's lives.
[00:43:28] Maybe that's your marriage.
[00:43:31] Can I tell you, you can work on tools or a better marriage, but probably the reason why there's a ton of relational brokenness in Your life, whether it's with your kids, with your spouse, with your friends, with your parents, with God, is probably because there's a bunch of pain sitting there somewhere that's unhealed, that's causing brokenness in your relationships and God wants to touch that. Will you and the Lord go on a journey? You don't need someone to heal that pain.
[00:43:56] You are a man and a woman of God and you can go love that kid. The Lord's like, Vic, who's going to love that? Who's going to love that? Vic, that was 12 years old, that was, you know, at a Christian school, at a retreat and was stripped down naked and saran wrapped to a bedpost and left there while he was crying for help. And no one came back like Vic, who's gonna love that kid? At 12, the felt teamed up on couldn't sleep all night because they were whispering his name, scheming something at night. Who's gonna, who's gonna love that 12 year old boy that felt so ashamed, wanted to literally end his life because he just went from elementary into middle school and, and now the whole Christian school, middle school and and high school is laughing at this reject kid.
[00:44:41] Because if you just ignore that, guess what trauma's gonna do in your life? It's gonna knock on the door in your 20s, be like, hello, help.
[00:44:49] And then in your 30s, it's gonna pound your door.
[00:44:53] And then in your 40s, typically about 20 years after trauma happens, it will destroy your life. It'll break into your house and blow you up.
[00:45:00] And man, I just started, I ignored the knocking, I ignored most of the pounding and it started to really hurt my life.
[00:45:08] And so the Lord's like, hey, Vic, who's gonna love that kid?
[00:45:12] How about me and you go love that kid?
[00:45:15] Because until that kid is loved and seen and he's actually still stuck. And then you're wondering, Vic, why you have all this behavior called anger. Actually, there's a kid there that just needs to be loved, Vic. He needs to be loved. And who's going to do that?
[00:45:29] How about me and you team up? We're a pretty good team because me and you team up all the time to minister to all the people that come to you, the hundreds of people that come to you at the altar, in your house, at work, at your school of ministry, at church, when you travel, all these people come up to you and me and you, we're a good team, man. You blast through people's pain and you love them and you'll cry with them and you'll weep with them. But who's going to do that for my son, Vic?
[00:45:52] Who's gonna do that for my son?
[00:45:56] So this what Lord's been teaching me. So I'm on a journey of loving this kid that grew up in an awesome environment but somehow just got broken.
[00:46:06] And I just want to invite you on that journey with me. Will you go on the journey? I'm going on, beloved, and be loved. Will you go love and restore the wounds of that kid? So that. Because I promise you, when you're whole, your relationships in your life will be whole, your parenting will be whole, your marriage will be whole, your friendships will be whole, your g. Daddy relationships will be whole, whole.
[00:46:33] Because healed people heal people and hurt people.
[00:46:40] Hurt people.
[00:46:43] People that I really love, I've hurt. You know why? Not because I'm a bad Christian, not because I'm a bad father, but because I didn't let this kid be loved. But I'm breaking up with that trash.
[00:46:58] So I want to invite you to join me in 2026 so that we can grow up into the full measure of the stature of Christ, that we could be loved, that we can be the beloved.
[00:47:11] I'm gonna invite the ministry team to come up. And if you want to break up with broken relationships in your life, it starts with God ministering to your heart. You and God going on a journey. So if that's you and you want to respond and you saying, you know what, Vic?
[00:47:29] I want to break up with brokenness. I want to break up with brokenness in my life. I want to break up with isolation. I want to break up with rejection. I want to break up with self mutilation, self harm, self rejection. I want to break up with that. And I want to learn to be whole. Because I'm going to be whole and I'm going to teach people around me to be whole. My wife's going to be whole because of me, my husband's going to be whole, my children are going to be whole, my friends are going to be whole. Because I know how it's like to be whole and I can show them the way.
[00:47:57] I'm breaking up with brokenness. If that's you today and you're breaking up with brokenness, would you respond to God and would you say, lord, make me aware of what's inside of me that's broken. Because you can't change unless you're aware of what's broken. And then you can't move on until you actually start to forgive.
[00:48:17] And then you can't move on until you actually start to heal. Those are all different things. Awareness, forgiveness, healing, community, risking again the journey of our restoration. Let's go, family.
[00:48:31] Let's go on this journey in 2026.
[00:48:34] Let's break up with brokenness in our relationships.
[00:48:38] Let's break up with singleness.
[00:48:43] I say that in a loving way.
[00:48:45] Let's break up with being that divorced person. That's not who you are. God has restoration for you.
[00:48:51] Let's break up with being that isolated person in the marriage that sleeps in a different room. You don't even share a bed or a room. You might sleep in the same bed, but you don't share a bed.
[00:49:01] You might sleep in the same house, but you don't share a house.
[00:49:04] Let's break up with that garbage this year in 2026. Let's be whole.
[00:49:09] Let's be whole because we're worth it. You're worth it. He loves you and you're going to love people.
[00:49:16] So let's worship and let's respond to God, whatever he's telling you today. Let's worship and respond to God in Jesus name.
[00:49:28] Thank you for joining King Movement Online. I pray and hope that that sermon impacted you deeply. I would love if you shared this with a few friends and family. And before you go, don't forget to subscribe. See you next week.
